💼 BREAKING: EU Promises to Be “Less Bureaucratic” Startups Call It Europe’s Biggest Unicorn Yet
In a stunning twist no one saw coming, Brussels has announced plans for a “unified rulebook for startups”, a revolutionary concept where 27 countries allegedly agree on something. Ursula von der Leyen declared, “We want to make Europe the best place to start and grow a business,” as entrepreneurs across the continent paused mid-burnout to laugh politely before refreshing their tax portals.
The plan promises fewer forms, faster permits, and harmonized digital regulations, three phrases that sound suspiciously like punchlines in an EU-themed comedy show. Experts estimate the new system could reduce startup paperwork from 1,200 pages to a breezy 800, while still ensuring every founder must fax one document to Malta for “historical reasons.”
Investors are cautiously optimistic, describing the move as “a step in the right direction, provided that direction doesn’t pass through Belgium.” Meanwhile, in Berlin and Paris, tech founders are reportedly preparing to celebrate by daring to dream about expanding before retirement age.
In related news, the European Patent Office has denied rumors it will rename itself EPO Lite, stating that “speed and simplicity remain contrary to our mission.”
So, is this the dawn of a new era for European innovation, or just another glossy PDF on the EU website? Only time (and 14 more committees) will tell.