Tel Aviv, June 2025 – As Iranian missile sirens echoed through the city, a group of stranded Australian tourists did what any disoriented influencers would do in a time of crisis: they rated the bomb shelters.
Within hours, TripAdvisor saw a surge of new listings under categories like “Underground Chic,” “Air-Raid Ambience,” and “Best Panic Room for Couples.” The site’s trending location by 9 AM was “Shelter #14, Corner of Ben Yehuda & Existential Terror.”
“Honestly? Five stars,” said Nova Peris, former senator-turned-escape-room connoisseur. “The lighting was low, the fear was high. Very intimate. The staff? Well, no staff, but great company.”
From Beach Bars to Blast Doors
What began as a quiet wine tasting turned into a real-life survival game when Iranian missiles began to rain over Israel. Yet, true to their national reputation, the Australian group remained stoic, slightly drunk, and review-prone.
- One user praised Shelter #7 for its “smooth concrete finish and excellent Wi-Fi.”
- Another noted that Shelter #11 had “too many crying babies, but bonus points for the hummus.”
- A third gave Shelter #4 only 2 stars, citing “a lack of beanbags and unsatisfactory airflow during existential dread.”
A New Tourism Genre: Conflict Luxe
Travel agencies are now bracing for a wave of “defensive destination” packages.
Jetsetter magazine has already published its first “Shelter Chic” travel spread, rating shelters on aesthetic trauma balance and air filtration-to-influence ratio.
“We didn’t plan to trend under the tag #BunkerButBeautiful,” said Tel Aviv’s deputy tourism director, “but we’re pivoting. There’s demand now for luxury panic.”
Special Features Being Added to Listings
Some of the new shelter listings include helpful filters such as:
✅ “Pet-friendly”
✅ “Selfie ring light included”
✅ “Complimentary Prosecco (while supplies last)”
✅ “Soundproofed screaming zones”
Meanwhile, one local café is offering shelter-to-brunch combos, where customers can order shakshuka while crouched beneath concrete, all in artisanal bowls.
Global Reactions
- The UK’s Foreign Office has issued a travel warning but suggested travelers “check Google reviews of all shelters before taking cover.”
- France offered architectural advice to improve bunker “mojo,” recommending “soft Bauhaus panic.”
- Finland, ever practical, simply replied: “This is why we build saunas underground.”
In a world where nothing is safe but everything is rateable, the tourists of Tel Aviv have proven one thing:
When life gives you missiles, open your phone, rate your trauma, and never forget to hashtag #WartimeWanderlust.