🔥 BREAKING: Europe Officially Declares Summer a Controlled Burn – Except the “Controlled” Part Was Optional

Once again, the Mediterranean’s favourite summer festival—Wildfires ‘25—is back, bigger, hotter, and with fewer safety measures than ever. From Portugal to Croatia, the continent is embracing its new role as one big BBQ pit, with tourists now booking package deals for “ash-covered sunsets” and “smoke-infused sangria.”

Authorities reassure the public that everything is under control, which is reassuring if by “control” they mean frantically waving garden hoses at a firestorm. Meanwhile, climate scientists, exhausted from two decades of screaming into the void, have moved on to perfecting marshmallow-toasting techniques over the Iberian inferno.

Airlines are jumping on the opportunity, too—launching “scenic evacuation flights” so passengers can watch their holiday destinations smoulder from a comfortable, fully air-conditioned cabin.

As Europe sizzles, locals are adapting: flip-flops are now rated for heat resistance, and sunblock comes with a new SPF—Smoke Protection Factor. Experts advise keeping hydrated, staying indoors, and perhaps reconsidering the wisdom of living on what is increasingly looking like the set of Mad Max: Mediterranean Drift.

But don’t worry. By winter, we’ll all forget and get back to debating whether climate change is “real” while shopping for next year’s beach towels.