San Francisco, June 2025 — As artificial intelligence continues to replace jobs faster than you can say “prompt engineering,” a new startup named Idleify has stepped in to address the question plaguing millions of adults: “What the hell do I do all day now?”
Backed by investors who are either visionaries or severely disconnected from reality, Idleify just closed a $4.2 billion Series C to expand its network of adult enrichment centers, or as their pitch deck calls them, “purpose-forward havens for the algorithmically displaced.”
The idea is simple: provide safe, supervised spaces for recently unemployed humans to engage in structured play, guided mindfulness, and advanced macaroni art, while robots handle all formerly meaningful labor.
“It’s not about keeping people busy,” said CEO and co-founder Jace Lin, who previously launched a now-defunct NFT for houseplants. “It’s about giving them something to post about until the universal basic income kicks in.”
Amenities Include:
- Nerf conflict resolution workshops
- AI-anxiety journaling circles
- Screen-time with no judgment
- Adult naptime with optional weighted blankets and ambient whale sounds
Venture Capital Reaction
Sequoia partner Elena Drucker, an early investor, explained the excitement:
“We believe Idleify is perfectly positioned to dominate the post-labor leisure sector. Humans still need snacks, hugs, and somewhere to scream into a pillow between 2 and 3 p.m. daily. This is the future.”
The startup already boasts waitlists in major metropolitan areas and is piloting a “Bring Your Former Job” day, where users role-play their obsolete careers using puppets and dry-erase boards.
Real-World Reaction
Not everyone is comforted.
“I was a radiologist,” said Nathan Rowe, 47, now attending Idleify’s Palo Alto flagship. “Then ChatGPT diagnosed three tumors before I could finish my coffee. Now I spend my mornings finger-painting what fear looks like and calling it therapy. The banana slices are nice though.”
Idleify plans to expand internationally next year under the slogan:
“Your Time Is Valuable — Even If No One Wants to Pay for It Anymore.”
Until then, humans across America are signing up in droves to color inside the lines of late-stage capitalism.